Tuesday, September 8, 2009

It's That Time of Year Again!

Well, it's almost that time of year. It's September so the race has been on for retail chains across America to put out all their Halloween-themed candy and decorations. One of those Halloween stores that's around for two months out of the year opened its doors just a few blocks from my apartment, and they had someone dressed as a penguin on the side of the road holding an advertisement for their shop the other day.

I feel sorry for that person. I stood outside for about 15 minutes today, and I smell like a jock strap now. The penguin had to have been reeking by the end of the day because those costumes are always way too frickin' hot. If global warming gets any worse, Halloween will be canceled so homeowners won't have to deal with sweaty-ass kids stinking up their lawns.

The costumes nowadays have their pros and cons. On the one hand, some of the outfits are becoming much more realistic thanks to fancy future materials like foam and plastic. For example, check out these sweet Oscar the Grouch costumes I saw a couple scroungy-looking guys wearing a couple days ago...

Welcome to the future everyone! It just feels like some smelly, angry, green guy is gonna leap right outta there and let everyone know he's having a bad day.

Even though the costumes are looking better than ever, the originality just isn't there anymore. Every guy on the block is dressed as a pirate, fireman, or a vampire, and one dude no one likes always dresses up in some beer or condom-themed thing and goes home alone at the end of the night. Most girls put on a costume titled "Sexy" something-or-other and prance around in skimpy clothing because it's the one day out of the year it's socially acceptable for them to dress like the whores they deep down really want to be.

In the end, Halloween isn't scary anymore. We've seen it all already, or we've seen it too soon to where there's no surprise left. Generally speaking, guys come off as being bigger jackasses than usual, and the ladies seem to want to change the holiday to Slut-for-a-Day or something.

Guh. It's the second week of September, and I'm already sick of Halloween. I guess it's just that time of year.


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